I think I would be the most loyal of friends. If everyone is putting my friend down, I would stand up for her. If she told me something in confidence, I would never reveal it. If I saw a chance to take advantage of her, I would spurn the thought.
I get wistful when I see a hanging on someone's wall that says, "Friends Forever". I've lived 52 years and have never received such a gift. On the other hand, I would feel it presumptuous to give such a gift to someone else.
I've always wondered what was 'wrong' with me. Do I even understand what friendship is? Do I have unusual and unrealistic expectations? Would I recognize a friend if one were to present herself?
I have friends...195 of them on Facebook at the last count. Obviously that's not what I mean when I say I don't have a friend. I don't have a 'close' friend.
A close friend can't be long distance. A close friend can't be unaware of what I'm hurting over, or what I'm really and justifiably worried about. I can't find out later they had a crisis and I was the last to know.
I have a coworker I talk to at work, mostly about the job. We vent our frustrations to each other, but when quitting time comes, I know I won't have any contact with her (other than FB) until the next working day. Should she move to another position, which is her current goal, I will probably never see her again, unless I should run into her at Wal-Mart.
I'm not big on social gatherings, but I would enjoy someone to go to get coffee with, someone with whom I have an ongoing relationship, someone who knows the current goings on in my life (and visa-versa). Someone who won't settle for "I'm fine" when she asks me. Someone who won't think I'm being nosy when I won't settle for 'I'm fine' from her, either.
I can imagine what such a friendship might be like. I've written hundreds of pages of stories about characters who are friends. It's fantasy. Does anything like that actually exist?
And then I read that the older you get, the more unlikely it is a person will gain a close friend if they don't already have one. That's depressing.
My Aspiness must make people think I don't care for them. Or maybe I come across as weird. I don't like to look deeply into someone's eyes. I don't care to gossip with them. Sometimes I don't know what to say next in a conversation. Sometimes I'm distracted or anxious. Often I can't discern their body language.
But there's a loyal, devoted, caring friend inside me. Someday, maybe, I will have an opportunity to let her out.